PTSD Stressor letter

   My name is David Wehrle, I was born June 8th 1954 in Allentown Pa.. I was a member of  the U.S. Army and trained to be a military Crash/Rescue-Structural Firefighter, 51-M. I received an honorable discharge on June 1976.                    

   I grew up in a safe and secure environment with my parents and two brothers . Dad was a high school English teacher and pastor for the Moravian church. I enjoyed the company of our neighborhood friends and family. I performed in the school band, playing sports and enrolled in the high school  tech/ trade  school for horticulture. I was mentally healthy and excited about what the future would bring.

   I enlisted in 1973 after high school and during the Vietnam Campaign.  I was sent to the U. S. Army helicopter aviation school at Ft Rucker Alabama to be trained in all facets of Crash/Rescue firefighting. We ( fire crew ) would be assigned to different airfields to standby for fire suppression, auto rotation drills by UH-1’s and ‘de-fuels.’ These Army helicopters were flown by new recruits and by Vietnamese. We were condition to respond to possible flight emergencies or hard landings every time the alarms sounded. Our staging area had no shelter or station just the fire truck and crew on the flight line with the constant whirling of the blades of UH- 1’ for 8 hrs a day. ( no hearing protection) In the dead of winter I was reassigned to Ft. Richardson Alaska. 

My new family ( fire crew) had a unique culture. Unlike regular Army we (military firefighters) worked 24  hrs. on and 24 hrs. off. My assigned shift crew were mostly seasoned in-country Vietnam recruits who were part of the stand- down troops coming home. I was taught that nothing was off limits and to control my emotions when responding to a calamity of  surreal dimensions of reality. We were ‘old school’ firefighters that rode the tailboard in all sorts of elements and weather. We watched each others back and that trust in untrustworthy times bonded us. I never found that bond with a group of friends again in civilian life.

I eventually was conditioned to discard empathy when responding in the emergency climate. To this day I wish I could have more empathy for the helpless. I saw mangled cadavers in traffic accidents. I saw more than my fair share of suicides by gun (mostly M. P.’s) To this day I remember almost each gruesome scene. I didn’t know faces would collapse like air out of a balloon when the self-inflicted bullet was a head shot. To my surprise a recurring memory was a SIDs death. The baby appeared to be at peace almost smiling. Applying C.P.R.  to no avail . No matter the incident the crew would return to the station like nothing happened. No debriefing, counseling, mostly we have a macabre approach when critiquing. Alaska can be a cold harsh dark remote environment, and we worked in subzero weather under those conditions for almost three yrs. 

Eagle River Ak.

After I was discharged, I returned to Pa. I came home with anxiety, loneliness and couldn't connect. Within  two years I returned to Alaska. I suspect I was trying to find that same familiar sense of belonging. My 40+ years in Alaska reflected a journey of homelessness, addiction and without quality companionships. I was a quick study with the subculture and felt some sense of belonging with the street culture. When I did have brief periods of self motivation there were times, I would find good paying employment and position. I worked for D.O.D. and was a good employee only to self- implode and walk away. 

  Had a child out of wedlock with a double felon and my name would also be found in the Alaska court system ( petty misdemeanors) These dockets record the tone on how my journey in Alaska became dark. Mostly living in rooming houses, vehicles or tents.

  I've tried to make self-assessment sense out of my poor choices throughout my separation from the Army. It's not until recently, after I finally moved out of Alaska that I realized my mental health had suffered due to these experiences and exposures to the surreal demands of my M.O.S.. Today I experience sleeplessness , depression along with headaches. I suspect my hearing loss was due to close exposure to Army helicopters 8hrs a day without hearing protection. I'm a survivor without doubt. All in all, I'm kind of ashamed and surprised at my ability to keep moving in in my darkest times.